I love sitting around with my family. Hearing stories about my grandmother. Learning about my family history. This Christmas was no different. As much as I enjoyed listening and participating in conversation, we got on a topic that was disturbing; our track record in marriages. We went down the list of my aunts and uncles and everyone, but 1 or 2 were divorced. This included my parents. We went down the list of nieces and nephews. Same thing; divorced. This included my own failed marriage.
We joked that it’s “something about our family”, but really it was a little discouraging. I picked up on this family pattern at an early age and I vowed I would be the one who would stay married. Divorce would not be an option, yet here I am. Among the list of marriages that just didn’t work.
We can laugh at ourselves, but really, how do we fix this?
I truly believe in family traits, personalities, and habits being passed down from generation to generation. Some things can become a family curse. Abuse, alcoholism, etc. can linger in your family tree and you are exposed to it. Unconsciously, we pick up the things we see growing up and emulate whether we realize it or not. But we have the power to truly look at ourselves and choose to go our own path. There are so many family traits I’m proud of; our strong values in education, our work ethic, our financial savy, our giving spirit, and the list goes on. But as with every family, with the good, there is not so good. Our divorce rate is one of those things. So what di we do?
In my case, I am not going to let the past haunt me. Yes, I am divorced just like others in my family, but that doesn’t have to label me. No more believing in the “family curse”. Secondly, I’m taking a good long look at myself. So often we want to blame others and not take responsibility. What did I learn from my marriage? What could I have done better? How can I prevent this from happening again? Was I even ready to be a wife? Am I ready now?
These are the questions that I ask myself often. I will not let my family history, let alone my own, affect my future. I will be happily married someday and it will last. Family curse? What curse?
Love. Hope. Faith.