Loving You.

My daddy tried. He tried to teach me how a man should treat a woman. He opened the doors for me. Took me on dates. Walked on the outside of me when when walked down the street. Showed me what affection looked like. And somehow I still ended up with men who did none of those things.

What I’ve realized is, not matter what he might have tried to show me or tell me I deserved, deep down I didn’t believe it. My self-esteem was non-existant growing up and even up into adulthood (I’m still working through finding the root of it).

I would write on sticky notes that, “I am the prize” and place them all over my house. I was hoping that if I saw it enough, I would adopt the mindset.

But I didn’t.

Every relationship I’ve ever been in, even in marriage, I’ve treated men like they were the prize. Like I was the lucky one if they gave me the time of day. If they called or texted me. If they took me out. If they wanted to be with me or marry me. Somehow that approval made me feel like I was worth something. Being something to somebody. But in reality, it is only made me feel even more unloved. Bitter. Resentful. Angry.

Until I love myself properly, I will never be loved properly by others. Until I see myself as worthy, no one will see that either.

I should be telling myself I’m the shit because I am. I’m as humble as they come, but I have to hype myself up. I’m intelligent, I’m ambitious, I’m hard-working, I’m savy, I’m financially stable, I’m a damn good mom, I’m sensitive, I’m compassionate, I’m empathic, and I don’t look too bad either. When I exude that confidence in myself, everyone around me sees it and responds to it.

That’s what I’m working on. Loving myself appropriately. That’s what we all should be working on. Doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, black white, green, or gold. When we treat ourselves with respect, kindness, and love, others have no choice but to do it too.

So how are you loving you?

Jayden’s Mom

I’m a boy mom. I’m praying that I don’t become the mom that everyone complains about.

The “My son is my King” mom.

The “Nobody is good enough for my son” mom.

The “My son does no wrong” mom.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s going to be hard. Because my Jayden is just a great human. He’s so full of life! He’s curious. His laughter is infectious. He’s bright. He’s bold. He’s absolutely adorable (which he gets from his mom by the way).

He’s only been on this earth for a few years, but he’s taught me so much about patience, patience, and more patience. But oddly enough, he’s taught me a great deal about love.

Like this dude loves me. Like really loves me. Likes me even. I realize that this may change as he gets older. He’ll get mad at me for taking his phone away or not letting him go to a party or giving my opinion about a girlfriend. But for now, my toddler likes me.

He looks for me when I’m there and not there. He gives me hugs and kisses when I ask and even when I don’t. I think he thinks I’m funny and fun to be around. He dances and sings with me. He enjoys me. He’s taught me that I’m a pretty great person to be around.

He sees me. And boy, oh boy I can’t tell you how important that is.

To be seen.

This little dude has set the standard. He’s shown me how to love myself better. How to take care of myself so I can take care of him. And he’s shown me in his small, unawaring way, how others should be treating me.

Like I’m somebody. Because I am.

I’m Jayden’s mom.

Intimacy.

It’s not just about penetration of the body.

I need pentration of the soul.

I need connection.

I need devotion.

I need protection.

Every inch of me needs to feel secure.

We concentrate so much on the act of sex, that we forget intimacy. The closeness of being with another person. Being able to let our guards down. To be ourselves. To be free.

We forget to look deep in our lover’s eyes. To say what we mean and mean what we say.

We forget to grab their hand in public; a simple gesture that says, “You’re mine”.

We forget to touch their arm, rub their head, place their face in our hands. Gentle touches that say, “I love you”.

We forget to be close. A simple hug at the end of the day that says, “Lay your burdens down. Rest.”

We forget to kiss them softly and deeply. Acts to say, “I want you”.

And the things we forget can be the demise of our relationships.

Don’t forget intimacy.

Decisions, Decisions.

“It all starts with a decision”, he said.

That simple phrase has made me think about every decision I’ve made up until this point. And now it has made me really think about my future decisions.

The decision to go left or right can lead you to a road of joy or pain. It’s scary because it’s Russian Roulette and if you’re anything like me, you over analyze everything.

Your decisions not only affect you, but the people that surround you. Friends. Family. People you love. People you work with.

But the thing about making choices is that you have the ability to change your mind and your circumstances. You have the free will to change your situations. The old saying of “You made your bed, now lie in it” may be true, but the truth is you can get up. You have the ability to get comfortable under the covers or throw them off and make the next decision.

So exercise your right to make decisions; to marry, to divorce, to apply for the job, to quit the job, to move to another state, to stay at home. Do it all or do nothing at all. It’s your decision.

But it all starts with a decision.

Enjoy your freewill.

Enough is enough.

Have you ever found yourself going down the rabbit hole of Facebook? You’re on a friend’s page and see a tag of a mutual friend, which leads you to another page. Then on their page you see a picture of a familiar face. An ex.

The ex that broke your heart. That spent years disappointing you. Stealing time from you. Deceiving you. Until finally you couldn’t take it anymore and you left.

Even though time has passed and you haven’t thought one minute about that ex, somehow you end up lurking on their page. And you see their shiny new family. Their loving spouse. Their newborn baby. Their new house. It’s not that you want those things with them anymore, but you can’t help but wonder why they couldn’t give them to you back then.

Thoughts creep up like:

What was it about me that made them shit on me?

Was I not loving?

Was I not kind?

Did I not give them everything I had?

Was I not smart enough? Good looking enough?

I’m here to tell you that you are enough. That ex wasn’t ready for you then. Not everyone is meant for you or prepared to handle your greatness. And at that time, they weren’t.

Beside that, we all grow and change with time. The same person who was immature and treated you like crap at 20, can mature and treat another like royalty in their 30s.

So enough is enough. Stop beating yourself up over past relationships. You were, are, and always will be enough for the right person.

Period.

Published.

God gave me a story years ago. Matter of fact, he gave me several. What did I do with them? I sat on them for years. Just writing here and there. Making Instragram and Facebook posts. Writing on my blog, but never truly making or investing the time to truly explore my gift.

My mom always said, “If you don’t use the gifts God gave you, He will give them to someone else”. Even though I kept that in the back of my mind, I still was dragging my feet. I kept putting it off out of lack of knowledge, pure laziness, and honestly, fear.

What if nobody likes it?

What if nobody gets what I’m trying to do?

What if I fail?

There are so many questions that may pop up in our mind when we’re trying to do something out of the norm. Especially when it is something that requires us to step out of our comfort zone. That talent that takes us out of that 9 to 5 and requires us to work for ourselves.

I want to be testimony to you, that you are able to work on your hopes and dreams and use your talents all while working a normal job and/or taking care of a family.

This is my dream turned into reality. I give to you, “Rocking Ronnie”. The first of many children’s books that I will publish in the coming years.

Thank God for not taking my talent away due to lack of use. I’m using it right now and forever.

Rocking Ronnie is available now on Amazon in print or e-book:

Order Here

Mind Your Business.

Stop asking people (specifically women) about things that are none of your business. We have to get out of the typical conversations and questions like:

When are you getting married”?

“When are you going to have babies”?

“When are you going to have MORE babies”?

Stop asking me when or if I’m having more kids. I’m still adjusting to the first one! Jayden has just turned one and I still don’t feel like myself.

My stomach still looks like I’m 6 months pregnant. Matter of fact, I have this weird innie/outtie, cabbage patch belly button thing going on and I don’t know if it will ever go back to normal. So much for my belly ring.

None of my clothes fit. I don’t want to wear pants. Or jeans. Actually anything. Putting an outfit together now is torture.

I wear nothing but training bras because they are more comfortable and I can whip out my breasts faster for nursing and pumping. Honestly, I feel like I’ll wear them for the rest of my life.

It’s a struggle just to get my hair, nails, and eyebrows done because I feel like I can’t spare a minute on myself.

Speaking of hair, where are my edges? Why didn’t anyone tell me about postpartum hair shedding?

I was already low maintenance, but I don’t even feel like putting on the little makeup that I was wearing. You’re going to get this bare faced mom. Just be happy I washed it.

Besides trying adjust back to the old me (which may never happen), the birth of Jayden was scary in itself! Both him and myself were in danger and I had no clue until the end of the pregnancy. I am not eager to do that again. And if I don’t that’s perfectly fine.

It’s ok if someone does not want to get married.

It’s ok if someone does not want to have kids.

It’s ok if someone does not want to have MORE kids.

How about asking people if they are happy?

Or how about just mind your business.

Thanks for listening to my TED talk.

New Mom, Who Dis?

Between being a new mom and the pressures of work, I haven’t felt like myself lately. I can’t remember the last time I put on make-up. Please don’t look at my nails or toes. Don’t ask me the last time I went to a concert, movie, or an outing without Jayden. Don’t even talk about the gym. Planet Fitness has just been taking my $20 every month, but haven’t seen me since I was pregnant.

The trip that my husband and I took in January was supposed to give me a new perspective. Remember, “Let’s practice self-care all 2019”? Well yeah, I haven’t been doing that.

I’ve always been one to put other’s needs ahead of my own, but it’s become especially bad these last weeks. I wake up with thoughts of “What do I need to do for my son, my husband, and my job today?”, but never, “What do I need to do for myself?”

I know being a mom is no excuse. I know for a fact that moms can stay in fashion and in shape, look polished and manicured, all while taking care of their family.

Well, let’s just say I haven’t gotten the hang of it yet. I’m a hot mess.

7 months may seem like enough time to get myself together but believe me, time flies and those months have been a blur of nursing, pumping, cleaning, washing, changing, feeding, entertaining, teaching, working, rinse, repeat.

It’s not that I hate doing these things. Being a wife and mother is everything I prayed for and I know responsibilities come with it. It’s just that I have to make myself a priority. I need to be taken care of too and I have to make the time to do it.

Now that I’ve recognized that it’s too much of a problem, I am determined to take a piece of my day and dedicate it to doing something for me.

So to all the other mommies who feel like me, let’s try to practice daily self-care. Give yourself 30 minutes to exercise, go get a mani/pedi, go see a movie by yourself, hell, just take the long way home if you have to. We need it. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of the people we love.

Now let’s see if I can go practice what I preach.

Self Care.

For the past 5 months, I have been Jayden’s mom. And for a little more than that, I’ve been Dewayne’s wife. Even before these titles, I have been know to put everyone’s needs and wants ahead of mine and forget that Sherron was here first.

When Jayden was born, I had so much mommy guilt. Mommy guilt to me is doing anything other than tending to your child. When I was on maternity leave and stayed home with Jayden, I had a hard time. If I went to the bathroom, I felt guilty. If I went to the kitchen to fix a meal, I felt guilty. Anytime I put him down and he cried, I felt guilty, because babies don’t just cry for no reason right?

Eventually, I adjusted, got a routine down, and figured Jayden out. But slowly I was forgetting who Sherron was. I started to just morph into nothing but a mom. A caretaker. The provider of milk.

No doubt, I’m tired, but if one more person tells me, “I looked tired”, I’m going to scream.

Sherron used to travel. Try different resturants. Go to the gym. Go to concerts. Now it is (for me and my husband) go to work, come home, take care of Jayden, bathe, eat, sleep, and repeat.

Luckily, my wonderful husband felt the staleness too in our routine and surprised me with a trip to Costa Rica!

Boy when I tell you I was excited! Finally, something to break the routine and a chance to just be Sherron again. But when it was time to go, here came the mommy guilt again. The night before we left, my mom literally had to pry Jayden out my arms and kick me out of the house. At the airport, I was breaking down because I felt so frazzled. Looking for nursing stations made it worse. Pumping and dumping milk that I should be giving my child made me feel sick. But I got on that plane and we made it here.

Guilt tried to creep in, but relief and relaxation pushed it out. I realized there’s nothing to feel guilty about. Even though it’s not mommy or daddy, Jayden is in good hands. And it’s only a few days, he’ll be fine.

We (moms, dads, wives, hubands, hell everyone) has to find time for self care. Whether it’s a trip, a night out, 30 minutes for exercise, or just an hour with some wine and a book, we need to find the time to take care of ourselves. Don’t look at it as neglecting others, but as making sure you are healthy (and sane) to continue to support those around you.

Now that I’m having some time away from Jayden, it has provided me with a new perspective. I can’t be the best that I can for him, if I don’t take the time to pour into me first.

So let’s practice self care all 2019.

Tell Me.

Last night when my husband and I were settling into bed, he looked over at me and said, “Thank you”. I’m literally deep under the covers, in my pjs, doing nothing, so I’m like, “For what”? He said for being a working woman, a mother, a wife…those are a lot of jobs”.

For him to know that even though the responsibilities I have are becoming natural to me, it’s still not easy. I hold these titles because I want them, not for praise, but damn if it didn’t feel good to hear a simple, “Thank you”. It made me feel good to be seen.

We have loved ones right now who wear multiple hats and they do it without compliants. We are so accustomed to them doing their “job”, that we forget that a “thank you” goes a long way.

“I see you”.

“I appreciate you”.

“I’m thankful for you”.

“I love you”.

These are things we can never say too often. If you can’t remember the last time you said it to your spouse, your children, your parents, your friends, take the time to do so. Don’t just think good thoughts and words of affirmation, tell them. Now.