Husbands Love Your Wives.

Posted on by Sherron

“This is Us”. Probably one of the most beautiful TV shows ever written. The way the stories intertwine is genius. It’s thought provoking. It’s realistic. It’s tear-jerking (I swear I cry about something in every episode). This particular episode this week was no different.

I won’t go into the details because I’m an awful storyteller and it’s too much to unpack, but one scene had me ugly crying and made me go into deep reflection.

Randall (a husband) while watching Beth (his wife) on stage whispers to his daughters, “You’re going to forget a lot about these years. But look at your mother right now and remember this: Don’t you ever forget how incredible that woman is.”

It was a beautiful scene, but it saddened me to think of how many women have not been able to experience this including myself. I know, I know, it’s just a TV show, but hear me out. These characters did not come out of thin air. I believe any characters we see are inspired by real people, real life, no matter how exaggerated it may be. I believe there are men out there, husbands who look at their wives with adoration. With admiration. That boast about them. That are proud of them. That are grateful for them.

Unfortunately, many of us have not had that.

We settle for breadcrumbs. We stay in spaces where we are not valued or loved or cared for. We are tolerated and kept around for convenience. And many of us do not know any better, due to our upbringing or childhood traumas. Or even worse, do not believe we deserve any better. We struggle with self-esteem and low-value thinking and choose men who prey on it instead of uplifting us.

Wives and future wives, I wish for you to be seen. I wish for your husband’s to boast about you. To brag about you. To love you. Care for you. Hold you. Cherish you. Desire you. Honor you. Affirm you. Validate you. Uplift you. Protect you. Provide for you. Lead you.

I know that not all women desire to be wives, but the ones that do, know what to look for in your potential spouse:

Ephesians 5:25-33: Husbands, love your wives, as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, that he might sanctify her, having cleansed her by the washing of water with the word, so that he might present the church to himself in splendor, without spot or wrinkle or any such thing, that she might be holy and without blemish. In the same way husbands should love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hated his own flesh, but nourishes and cherishes it, just as Christ does the church.

God is Not on Your Timeline.

Posted on by Sherron

When I turned 30, instantly there was this imaginary timer over my head. Society says, by 30 you’re supposed to be married. By 35, the doctors tell you that pregnancy becomes high risk. And now we have men telling women that our value goes down as we get older. Like we are cars. Like we are nothing more than a body.

From the beginning of time, our value has been placed on the ability to have children. Think about the Bible stories of Elizabeth and Rachel who were at first unable to conceive. Then there’s the story of Sarah who was so desperate to give her husband a child that she allowed him to impregnate their servant Hager. She got so tired of waiting on God’s promise that she made her own moves. But her plan led to confusion and resentment. And this is what happens with women when we try to met these invisible timelines on our own instead of waiting on God.

Despite the women’s ages and deviation in plans, God still rewarded these women with children. It just wasn’t on their timeline. Of course in these days, we don’t and shouldn’t wait until we’re 90, but we shouldn’t be panicking by 30 and 40 either.

My grandmother had my dad when she was 42. He is healthy, intelligent, and self-sufficient. Not only this, but she got to see it happen because she lived until she was 98. That’s 56 years she had with him. There are women who become mothers at 25 and die at 28. There are women like my grandmother who had children “late”, but lived long enough to see them get married and have their own children. These timelines we have in our heads mean nothing to God. We can plan out our whole lives, but be gone tomorrow.

What I am learning is not to stress over timelines. Not to be strict about life long plans. God is teaching me that I am not in control and when I try to be, He shows me exactly why I shouldn’t be.

ECCLESIASTES 3: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens

You Don’t Own Me.

Posted on by Sherron

I have a sticky note on my mirror that says, “People are experiences. I do not own anyone and no one owns me”. I look at it daily because I’ve always valued loyalty, commitment, and longevity. I once believed that when I opened my heart and my life to you, you will and should remain there forever.

You’re mine. You’re my friend. You’re my spouse. You’re my family member. Mine. Mine. Mine.

That way of thinking made things difficult when people left my life for any reason. On the flip side, I would remain in other’s lives no matter how uncomfortable it was to be there. Because I’m yours. Forever. I wanted to be “claimed” by others. It made me feel valued and worthy. Endings would devastate me.

What feels like so much loss in my life, I had to learn how to release. Release relationships that didn’t serve me. Release myself from the clutches of people who drained me. Allowing myself to be released by people who didn’t value me and to be real, maybe I didn’t enhance their life either.

People are experiences. This whole life is an experience. You can own cars, property, assests, but we don’t own people. When we view people this way, we are more grateful for the time that we have them. We appreciate what they mean to us in the moment. We appreciate them for the lessons they bring, whether they leave or if they stay.

We owe nothing to each other. You don’t own me. And I don’t own you. Let’s just enjoy the experience.

Loving You.

Posted on by Sherron

My daddy tried. He tried to teach me how a man should treat a woman. He opened the doors for me. Took me on dates. Walked on the outside of me when we walked down the street. Showed me what affection looked like. And somehow I still ended up with men who did none of those things.

What I’ve realized is, no matter what he might have tried to show me or tell me I deserved, deep down I didn’t believe it. My self-esteem was non-existant growing up and even up into adulthood (I’m still working through finding the root of it).

I would write on sticky notes that, “I am the prize” and place them all over my house. I was hoping that if I saw it enough, I would adopt the mindset.

But I didn’t.

Every relationship I’ve ever been in, even in marriage, I’ve treated men like they were the prize. Like I was the lucky one if they gave me the time of day. If they called or texted me. If they took me out. If they wanted to be with me or marry me. Somehow that approval made me feel like I was worth something. Being something to somebody. But in reality, it is only made me feel even more unloved. Bitter. Resentful. Angry.

Until I love myself properly, I will never be loved properly by others. Until I see myself as worthy, no one will see that either.

I should be telling myself I’m the shit because I am. I’m as humble as they come, but I have to hype myself up. I’m intelligent, I’m ambitious, I’m hard-working, I’m savy, I’m financially stable, I’m a damn good mom, I’m sensitive, I’m compassionate, I’m empathic, and I don’t look too bad either. When I exude that confidence in myself, everyone around me sees it and responds to it.

That’s what I’m working on. Loving myself appropriately. That’s what we all should be working on. Doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, black white, green, or gold. When we treat ourselves with respect, kindness, and love, others have no choice but to do it too.

So how are you loving you?