God is Not on Your Timeline.

When I turned 30, instantly there was this imaginary timer over my head. Society says, by 30 you’re supposed to be married. By 35, the doctors tell you that pregnancy becomes high risk. And now we have men telling women that our value goes down as we get older. Like we are cars. Like we are nothing more than a body.

From the beginning of time, our value has been placed on the ability to have children. Think about the Bible stories of Elizabeth and Rachel who were at first unable to conceive. Then there’s the story of Sarah who was so desperate to give her husband a child that she allowed him to impregnate their servant Hager. She got so tired of waiting on God’s promise that she made her own moves. But her plan led to confusion and resentment. And this is what happens with women when we try to met these invisible timelines on our own instead of waiting on God.

Despite the women’s ages and deviation in plans, God still rewarded these women with children. It just wasn’t on their timeline. Of course in these days, we don’t and shouldn’t wait until we’re 90, but we shouldn’t be panicking by 30 and 40 either.

My grandmother had my dad when she was 42. He is healthy, intelligent, and self-sufficient. Not only this, but she got to see it happen because she lived until she was 98. That’s 56 years she had with him. There are women who become mothers at 25 and die at 28. There are women like my grandmother who had children “late”, but lived long enough to see them get married and have their own children. These timelines we have in our heads mean nothing to God. We can plan out our whole lives, but be gone tomorrow.

What I am learning is not to stress over timelines. Not to be strict about life long plans. God is teaching me that I am not in control and when I try to be, He shows me exactly why I shouldn’t be.

ECCLESIASTES 3: There is a time for everything, and a season for every activity under the heavens

Vision Needs Faith.

I’ve had a vision board for a few years now. Pictures of weddings, families, new homes, my ideal body, etc are in my phone, on my Pinterest, and in my home. Some of the things I wanted have happened, but there are many that have not. Currently, I’m not married, I don’t have children, I’m in the same house, and I don’t have the body I want. 

That’s a word I hold on too. The idea of “yet” represents faith. Although I don’t see it, although it hasn’t happened “yet”, I will continue to believe it will. Because I have faith that it will and I will put in the work to get it. 

Whatever your vision maybe, never lose faith in it. Even if it’s months or even years, if it’s a desire you have, hold on to it until you get it.

Habukkah 2:2-3 “Write the vision and make it plain on tablets, that he may run who reads it. For the vision is yet for an appointed time; but at the end it will speak, and it will not lie. Though it tarries, wait for it; because it will surely come”

Love. Hope. Faith.

All Black Everything.

After watching the pain and frustration my parents endured while going through their divorce, I remember saying “I will never bring a child into this world”. I was 12. Of course this statement stemmed from my own turmoil and the effects their dimise had on me. I had a lot more of life to experience and I would get older to realize that there was no need be that extreme.

Fast forward 20 years later and that statement has resurfaced. Why? Because of the recent killings of black men. Not only their deaths, but the retaliation that has been taken out on police officers. Now there are more men who cannot return to their children. Their wives. Their families and friends. With so much disregard for human life, why would I want to bring a child into this world. Especially when they may have a target on their back? 

But I had to check myself. Fear is not what I’m about. Fear is a liar. So to combat fear, I speak to what I want and what I know is true.

I will marry my black man.

I will have my black son.

I will have my black daughter.

And we will be unapologetically black.

Because that’s the skin that I was given. The skin I’m proud of. And I will not let other’s hate of it detour me from creating my black family.

Forever Alone? Nah.

The world will have you in an unnecessary panic. Let me just let you look at it from my eyes.

I am a black, single, educated woman in my 30s. Apparently, being any of these things is not good for finding a mate. There are articles daily that talk about my category of women.

Why black women are single: http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2015/04/20/upshot/missing-black-men.html?_r=0&abt=0002&abg=0
Why black women are not getting married: http://www.northstarnewstoday.com/news/study-black-women-who-will-never-marry-is-at-60-compared-to-38-for-white-women/
Why black women will settle and marry beneath her: http://www.theatlantic.com/business/archive/2015/04/marrying-your-peer-a-tougher-prospect-for-black-women/391586/

Seeing these types of posts will have you depressed and desperate so I usually refuse to read them. My faith will not allow me to fear. And in a way, that is what those articles are trying instill in us.

Either you get the education or find love, you can’t have both.
You need to settle for less, you aren’t worth what you want.
Either you make the plans to have a baby by 35, even if you’re not married, or risk having an unhealthy child.
Either you get that guy out of the friend zone or you’ll be forever alone.


Who’s to say these hold true for for me? Who’s coming up with these statistics? Believe me, I’ve tried it the world’s way and it didn’t work. I refuse to let the world bully me anymore. Quote me on this: I will one day be happily married with healthy children without having to manipulate, search, beg, steal, and borrow. Why? Because it wasn’t me who put this desire in my heart, it was God. And He wouldn’t put it there without intentions of fufilling it. He promised that none shall be without their mate (Isaiah 34:14). He promised that He would make me a mother (Psalms 113:9). He wants me to be fruitful and multiply (Genesis 9:1). So what do I do when I see these articles? When I hear that there are more available women then men? That men are going for younger women? Or women of other races? And my chances are becoming more and more slim? I remind God of His promises. I stand on my faith that there is a soul who was specifically made for me. Because in order for His promises to come to pass, there’s got to be man that has my name written on him. So me? Forever alone? Nah.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Dear Future Husband

I’m seeing the dear future wife/dear future husband hash tags and posts everywhere on social media. Some people take a humorous approach to it, some think it’s cute to do, while others like myself believe in it. For me, it’s not meaningless. I am actively speaking into existence the things that I want in my husband. I am actively praying for him whenever the mood strikes. It’s because I believe in him. I believe that he is somewhere out there actively looking for me. Praying for me. It may sound crazy, but that is what faith is about. Speaking to the unseen. Speaking about things as though they are.

So if a spouse is what you desire, pray for them (to show up) and pray for them (their well-being).

Do not be ashamed of what you desire. If you want to be married then speak it. Put it into the atmosphere. Pray about it and believe it will happen for you. Don’t fall into the statistics and reasons why it can’t happen for you. If that desire is in your heart, it was put there and it will be fufilled.

#love #hope #faith

Closed Doors.

I remember a few years ago, I interviewed for a position within my company that I thought I would be perfect for. I aced the written test and did great at answering the interview questions, so I thought the job would be mine. Unfortunately, my coworker got it instead. I cried, I screamed, and acted like a total brat after I got the news. A few weeks later that same coworker was complaining about how difficult the job was and that there was only a small increase in pay. She quit after only working a few months. I found myself thanking God that I didn’t get it.

We never know what God is blocking us from.

Just because we feel like we should have certain things or even someone, doesn’t mean that it’s best for us. Thank goodness god sees the bigger picture. We should seek God in all things and ask for his protection daily. We may not realize it, but His will and purpose is much greater than ours.

#love #hope #faith


How About I Just Marry Myself?


My sister Melissa and I had a great conversation about this story last night. It can be found here: http://madamenoire.com/506085/houston-woman-marries-herself/

A 40 year old woman (which is not old by the way) decides since she is single with no prospects, so she is going to marry herself. Some say she was desperate. Some say she was bold and showed self-love. I say she gave up.

When I thought more about this, the story of Sara and Abraham came to mind. Sara laughed at God when she was told that she would have a baby at her old age (Genesis 18). She even chose to move in her own effort by allowing Abraham to impregnate their servant Hagar, because she believed she was incapable of having children. Even through her moments of doubt and devising her own plans, she still conceived a child just as God had promised.

So guess what? Even when you try to move in your own effort (like give up on love and marry yourself), you can still receive the promises God meant for you to have.

Why would he put a desire in your heart without providing a way to fulfill it?

May you never lose sight of the vision God gave to you. If you want to be a wife or husband, it will happen. If you want to have children, it will happen. Find the scriptures that coincide with the desires you have and meditate on them each day. Hold on to your faith and the promises that were given to you by any means necessary.

#love #hope #faith

Left Behind.

Just look back at who surrounded you and who you spent your time with last year. Are they still there now? For me, people I loved, people I believed would remain in my life forever, suddenly left. Unexplainable, unexpectedly, just seemed to disappeared.

I tried to chase, tried to beg, tried to hold on, but my efforts made no difference, they were gone.

I didn’t understand and sometimes I still dont, but I know it was God. I know He has greater plans for me and the places he has set for me to go, some people cannot come. So sometimes He has to tear our world apart and move people out of our way. It seems cruel and unfair, but He knows who belongs in our lives and who doesnt. Don’t fight Him when He starts shifting.

#love #hope #faith


Faith Needs Works.

James 2:26 – “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also”.

Works can be interrpreted in several ways, but for today let’s look at it as preparation. When you ask for something in prayer, not only should you believe you will receive it, but you need to expect it. I will use myself as an example.

I want to be a wife and a mother. I have prayed about it and I truly believe in my heart that God will release him to me. So as a single woman, what do I do in the meantime? I prepare for him and my future children. It can be as simple as learning new recipes or keeping a clean home. Anything that will benefit my future family, I need to start practicing now.

What about that new job you want? Should you just continue to pray for it and wait for something to fall in your lap? No! You have to send in applications, revise your resume, and prepare to do the duties of the job you want. God will open a door to you, but you have to knock on it first.

Get in preparation for the vision that you’ve been praying for. Go beyond the faith of a mustard seed and get ready. Pray for it and prepare for it. #love #hope #faith