Validation is for Parking.

Posted on by Sherron

My hair was laid. I spent extra time on my make-up. My nails and toes were done. I had on a gorgeous dress. This particular day was the most beautiful I had ever felt.

I walked out of the room for a reaction and nothing.

No compliment. No, you look beautiful, amazing, pretty. Hell, I would have even taken cute. I got nothing. I went about my day, but deep down I was hurt. The one person I needed validation from, didn’t give it to me. Looking back on that moment now I realize that I was so busy wanting someone to see me, that I didn’t really see myself. I didn’t affirm myself. I was waiting for someone to confirm my reality because deep down, I didn’t know if it was true.

It’s not just looks that we try to find validation for, it’s our self-worth as well. We wait for that boss to recognize us and pat us on the back. We wait for that parent to finally say that they are proud of us. We sit on social media waiting for the likes and comments to pour in. We have become a society hungry for attention, validation, and approval.

So what happens when we don’t get it?

Depression happens. Suicide. Low self-esteem. Isolation. All because someone didn’t say we were pretty.

We have to affirm ourselves. We have to validate ourselves. Even if we have to stand in the mirror every morning and night saying affirmations until we believe it. For me, now when someone says, “You’re beautiful”, it’s only an addition to what I already know. I already said that to myself three times before they even got to me.

We are enough. We do enough. We have enough. We are beautiful. We are strong. We are smart. We are amazing. Now let’s go be these things because they true, not because they were told to us.

Today is Valentine’s Day.

Posted on by Sherron

Ladies, it’s that time of year where men are going to convince you that Valentine’s day doesn’t matter. That it’s a commercialized day. It was created by “the man” to destroy men’s pockets! Basically, this argument is to prepare you to get nothing or the bare minimum from them.

Listen. I get that one day shouldn’t be more important than another. I get that it’s a Monday. I understand that one day of gifts are not going to save a relationship, marriage, or courtship. However……

If you think the day is important, then the day is important. Period.

Just like Christmas or Thanksgiving or St. Patrick’s Day, if you want to celebrate it, than do that. Do not let anyone convince you that you shouldn’t. Find someone who is aligned with your beliefs or at least knows that it’s important to acknowledge.

No more down playing your desires because one man doesn’t want to give them to you. No more shifting your thoughts because a man doesn’t think they’re important. Also, don’t let a man totally skip the day like it doesn’t exist. Please see how dumb I was a few years ago here —–> https://sherrondays.com/2018/02/15/february-15th/

So recieve/ask for all the flowers. All the candy. All the cards. And if one won’t, another will. The right man will care about what you care about and will do whatever it takes to make you smile.

Happy Valentine’s Day❤

Loving You.

Posted on by Sherron

My daddy tried. He tried to teach me how a man should treat a woman. He opened the doors for me. Took me on dates. Walked on the outside of me when we walked down the street. Showed me what affection looked like. And somehow I still ended up with men who did none of those things.

What I’ve realized is, no matter what he might have tried to show me or tell me I deserved, deep down I didn’t believe it. My self-esteem was non-existant growing up and even up into adulthood (I’m still working through finding the root of it).

I would write on sticky notes that, “I am the prize” and place them all over my house. I was hoping that if I saw it enough, I would adopt the mindset.

But I didn’t.

Every relationship I’ve ever been in, even in marriage, I’ve treated men like they were the prize. Like I was the lucky one if they gave me the time of day. If they called or texted me. If they took me out. If they wanted to be with me or marry me. Somehow that approval made me feel like I was worth something. Being something to somebody. But in reality, it is only made me feel even more unloved. Bitter. Resentful. Angry.

Until I love myself properly, I will never be loved properly by others. Until I see myself as worthy, no one will see that either.

I should be telling myself I’m the shit because I am. I’m as humble as they come, but I have to hype myself up. I’m intelligent, I’m ambitious, I’m hard-working, I’m savy, I’m financially stable, I’m a damn good mom, I’m sensitive, I’m compassionate, I’m empathic, and I don’t look too bad either. When I exude that confidence in myself, everyone around me sees it and responds to it.

That’s what I’m working on. Loving myself appropriately. That’s what we all should be working on. Doesn’t matter if you’re married, single, black white, green, or gold. When we treat ourselves with respect, kindness, and love, others have no choice but to do it too.

So how are you loving you?

Jayden’s Mom

Posted on by Sherron

I’m a boy mom. I’m praying that I don’t become the mom that everyone complains about.

The “My son is my King” mom.

The “Nobody is good enough for my son” mom.

The “My son does no wrong” mom.

I’m not gonna lie, it’s going to be hard. Because my Jayden is just a great human. He’s so full of life! He’s curious. His laughter is infectious. He’s bright. He’s bold. He’s absolutely adorable (which he gets from his mom by the way).

He’s only been on this earth for a few years, but he’s taught me so much about patience, patience, and more patience. But oddly enough, he’s taught me a great deal about love.

Like this dude loves me. Like really loves me. Likes me even. I realize that this may change as he gets older. He’ll get mad at me for taking his phone away or not letting him go to a party or giving my opinion about a girlfriend. But for now, my toddler likes me.

He looks for me when I’m there and not there. He gives me hugs and kisses when I ask and even when I don’t. I think he thinks I’m funny and fun to be around. He dances and sings with me. He enjoys me. He’s taught me that I’m a pretty great person to be around.

He sees me. And boy, oh boy I can’t tell you how important that is.

To be seen.

This little dude has set the standard. He’s shown me how to love myself better. How to take care of myself so I can take care of him. And he’s shown me in his small, unawaring way, how others should be treating me.

Like I’m somebody. Because I am.

I’m Jayden’s mom.

Do a Durant.

Posted on by Sherron

I’m a football girl myself, but I follow basketball enough that when I saw this meme, I hollered. Durant made that move and got what he wanted. Some didn’t respect it, but he did what he thought was best for him and there’s a lesson in that.

Since this meme was directed at the women, I will speak from a woman’s point of view (being that I am one).

I think we forget that when we are single, we are free agents. Even when I am in a relationship, I am still considered a single woman. I file single on my taxes, I possess my dad’s last name, my name is solely on all the bills, etc. etc. In a nutshell:

Unmarried = Single.

Don’t get me wrong, I am respectful of my relationships. When I am with someone, I am not actively looking for anything else. I do not entertain others and I remain committed. However, I do realize that I am single until there is a ring on my hand, a marriage certificate, and a last name change. I am free to walk out the door at anytime or end the relationship because I have not stated any vows that require me to stay. There is a certain freedom in this thinking, but don’t get me wrong, I strongly desire marriage and family which leads me back to this meme.

When women like myself desire marriage and children, we are often ridiculed about our timelines. This is only because men are not on the same timeline as us. They do not get the side eye from doctors when you are over 30 and you still haven’t had children yet. They do not have to hear the lecture on the risks of having children after 35. Men can go out, get a younger women, and have children at 50 if they wanted to. Women however, have to think of birth defects and safety risks as soon as we hit the big 3-0.

That’s why we do not have time to waste. After 30, for women who want to be married and have a family can’t sit in these 3-5 year relationships with an additional 1-2 year engagement. And that’s being modest. There are plenty of women who have sat in longer relationships, 6, 7, 8, 10 fucking years. No ring in sight. But really, why do we do that? Hope? Loyalty? Fear? Probably a combination of all. We wait, hoping that we are the one, that this guy we love loves us enough to give us his last name. We assume that the number of years we’ve spent together is an longterm investment. It may be for us, but a lot of these men don’t see it in that way. I’ve heard from the male point of view that marriage is a scam and there is no benefit for them. (Although, research shows that married men live longer, but that’s another topic). 

Despite the negative comments and unproductive debates about marriage that I have been involved in with men, I still believe there are a great number of them who desire it. They want a wife and children. That’s why I refuse to stay in a relationship that does not have that end goal. And just because we talk about it and agree we want the same thing, doesn’t mean we are on the same timeline. A man may very well want to marry you, but it’s going to be when he’s ready. It could be a year, hell it could be 10 years. It is his prerogative, but you are not required to stay and wait. Listen to what he says, but also watch what he does. A man that wants you as a wife will make arrangements and prepare to do just that. His words will align with his actions.

After 30, and this is just me talking, you don’t need years to determine whether you want to spend a lifetime with someone. So don’t feel guilty about the timeline you have in your head (I’m speaking to myself too). Don’t let anyone waste your time and best years of your life.

Go get your ring.

Lebron did it.

Durant did it.

So if you have to….

Just do it.

 

 

 

That Dirty Word Submission.

Posted on by Sherron

I always find the debate about submission interesting.

“You only submit to your husband”

“You have to submit during a relationship so a man can see that you are wifey material”

“Submission is degrading”

Most women these days aren’t having it at all. Submission has become a dirty word. I watched a reality show recently where a man talked about how he would like a woman with an element of submission to her. The women laughed and walked away. She was offended. So these days if a man talks about how he wants a submissive women, he might not ever see her again.

Let’s be real, submission is not a new concept. It goes back to the to Bible:

Ephesians 5:22-24 – 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

What we like to forget is that it says “wives” and that the Bible speaks about the husband’s role too:

Ephesians 5:25-28 – 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I find it funny when the new age or millennial man speaks about wanting a submissive wife, when they are not willing to be that husband that is described. The real question is, do men have the capability of being a husband and head of the household? Taking care of their wife and children? Leading their family into to purpose and prosperity? Because a man like that doesn’t have to worry about finding a women who is submissive. She will easily follow if she knows she is safe and cared for.

Women these days get criticized for being “too independent” which makes them appear to “not need a man”, but how else are they supposed to be? The trash is not going to take itself out. The bills have to get paid. These are not the old days of a couple marrying young, the man working and the woman staying home to take care of the household and children. Men and women have become equal. To be real, it’s becoming, (if not already there) unequal because women are working more than men. Because of this, women hold it down until someone is willing to take the burden off of them. And even after that, women are naturally nurturing and are designed to be helpmates. So the quality of submission will be there. Men don’t have seek or ask for it; when they display leadership qualities, a woman like that is naturally drawn to them.

The trouble is, submission is not properly defined. Submission is not slavery. It is not a bad thing or idea that the women has no will of her own. It is an understanding that men and women both have strengths and weaknesses. During a woman’s time of weakness, she will follow the man’s counsel. During his time of weakness, he will do the same. Honestly, in a healthy relationship or marriage, you are submitting to each other in someway. You both seek each other’s advice and put each other’s needs in consideration. So submission is not this strange, old, one-sided concept that we make it out to be. Submission is not limited to the woman. Submission is “the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”.

Person.

How to Get Away With Murder.

Posted on by Sherron

Kisses. Secrets. Hand holding. Hugs. Good morning texts. Late night phone calls. Love notes. Sleep overs. Delicious dinners. Deep conversations. Spontaneous trips. Priceless companionship. Sounds good doesn’t it?

Now imagine that being replaced with nothing. No kisses. No conversation. No contact. Unreturned texts. Unreturned phone calls. An empty bed. Solo nights. Nothing.

That’s murder. And I’ve faced death.

I’ve been given life before, awakened by love, only to die a slow death. You want to get away with murder? Give your love to someone and then snatch it away.

But what is the alternative? Never be vulnerable to love? Shut it out? Protect yourself?

You can’t die without living first.

No one wants to experience heartache and pain at the hands of someone else, but that is a risk we have to take. Just be cautious of who you’re handing your heart to. They might just be a murderer.

Love. Hope. Faith.
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A Chair is Still a Chair.

Posted on by Sherron

Let’s see. Valentine’s Day last year, what was I doing? I was strutting around in a short black dress and four inch heels. Cooking dinner for a man I loved deeply. Instead of a buying a card, I wrote a heart felt letter expressing everything I felt for him. That day, he heard, read, saw, and felt my love for him. I put alot of effort into making him feel special (although I made sure he knew he was appreciated everyday).

Fast forward to this year. What will I be doing? I will probably be in my pajamas, eating pizza, and watching Netflix. Alone. What does that tell you? Alot.

Time changes things.
There are no guarantees.
We can’t predict our future.
Our plans can be interrupted or changed.
People come and go.
What a difference a year makes.
Forever doesn’t always last.
Shit happens.

I could go on and on with a bunch of cliché sayings, but I paint this scenario to say this; one day out of the year, this one day out of our lives, is not significant enough to impact our relationships or our worth.

For those in relationships, this one day will not ‘fix’ or ‘save’ anything. If you do not celebrate each other daily, then those flowers, teddy bears, and chocolates won’t make a difference.

For those who are single like myself, this one day doesn’t take away from your value. We put so much importance on certain days and relationship statuses that it causes us to think our lives aren’t great. You’re alone on this one day, but what about the other 364 days in the year when you’re among family, friends, and other loved ones? Don’t let this one day take away your worth during the rest.

A chair is still a chair.
A room is still a room.
A day is still a day.
And you are still you.

Love. Hope. Faith.

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No Fear in Love.

Posted on by Sherron

We worry about who’s she’s been involved with, who’s he’s slept with, who’s hurt us before, if we’ll get hurt again. We worry, worry, worry. Especially when it comes to love. But rightful so. Who in their right mind would want to give all they have in the name of love, just to lose it all? I wish that pain on no one. I’ve experienced it before and never want to experience again. But who’s to say I won’t?  We can investigate, build up a wall, and be cautious all we want to, but if we really want love, we have to be willing to risk it all.

The beginnings of relationships can be a beautiful thing. The period of getting to know each other; learning the likes, dislikes, wants, and needs of another person can be an amazing experience. But then you realize how much you’re investing; how it could all be snatched away in one moment. That’s when the fear comes in. Then the worry. Then the breakdown of the relationship.

We get so caught up in the beginning and so worried about the end, that we forget about the middle.

When we do that, we lose moments. We sabotage something that could be beautiful. There are no promises, we don’t know if things will last, but we can take current moments and enjoy them now. We all have a past and we should think about our future, but don’t forget to live in the present.

#love #hope #faith

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These Two ♡

Posted on by Sherron

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I love looking at pictures of Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee. They just exuded love. In their time together, not only did they pour into each other, but their love spilled out into the world. They were activists who’s passion about love and life was not able to be caged. They fought together, and I imagine them crying together, laughing together, and bouncing ideas off of each other. They built a life together. Built a family together. I see them lifting and encouraging each other. Of course with all marriages and relationships, when you’re on the outside looking in, you never know what’s really going on. I’m sure they had their difficult times, but what matters most is that they got through it together.

Where is this love?

Am I a fool to believe that this type of love still exists? In a generation of side chicks/dudes and THOTs, Housewives who aren’t housewives, and the acceptance of cheating, lying, and no commitments, can real love be found? What are the ones who still believe in love and marriage supposed to do? I say keep believing. Keeping hoping. Keep praying. I don’t believe that one generation is better than the next. The same opportunities that were available in the past, are still there now. There are still marriages standing the test of time. Although we may not have many images of it, it still exists. We can still find it.

So where is that love? It’s all around us. Waiting to be found.

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