I admire men. Some of them have hurt me to the core, but I still love them. One thing that I would like to learn from them is to be able to leave a relationship when it’s no longer serving me. Mind you, some men don’t do it in the greatest of ways; they might go ghost (stop taking your calls, totally disappear off the face of the earth) or they may just straight up tell you that you suck and they don’t want to be with you. BUT they know when it’s time to get out.
Women however, will try to revive and resuscitate a dead relationship. We will try to change ourselves, the situation, hell even the man. We will accept, adapt, and suffer through mistreatment. Let a man face the same obstacles and he will be gone before you know what hit you. They know when a relationship is not going anywhere. They will drop you if you don’t met their requirements. They will not tolerate mistreatment, lack of attention, or lukewarm feelings. And these are all the things that women choose to accept in order to save a relationship. Why is that?
I can only share my own opinions and personal thoughts:
We fear that there is no one else out there for us. Lies.
We are holding out for marriage. But if we’re being treated badly, why would we want to marry them anyway?
We have invested so much time. An investment is only worth its return.
We are hoping they’ll change. Do they ever though?
These are just a few of the thoughts that I’ve had to fight though over my dating/relationship career. I suppose now that I’m over 30, I have made it my business not to waste my time or others. So this trait that men seem to have over us, I’m actively working to pick up. I will no longer ignore red flags, waste years of my life waiting for a man to decide I’m worthy of being his wife, or believe words without action to back it up. When those spider senses start tingling, I will shoot my web and fly.
For most of my life I didn’t like myself. I listened to all the negative things that people said about me.
“You’re too quiet”.
“You’re too shy”.
“You’re too this and not enough that”.
So I struggled. Trying to mold myself into what other people wanted me to be. I took on different personalities and personas to please everyone. I sought relationships and friendships where I could focus on another person instead of dealing with me.
It’s hard to be alone with yourself when you don’t like you.
Then all of a sudden when I turned 30, it was like a lightbulb went off (too bad it had to take that long). Instead of listening to others, I started listening to myself. I started on a path of self-discovery. I found out why I’m so reserved (which people look at as quiet), why I prefer to stay home versus going out, why I don’t do crowds, and why I prefer deep conversations and despise small talk. I’m an introvert. I didn’t even know what that meant at first, but once I figured that out, my whole world changed. Instead of feeling like something was wrong me everytime I heard, “Why are you so quiet?” Every. Single. Time. I was among people, now I could care less. I speak when I’m compelled to. That’s me and that’s ok.
We all are different. Once we begin to understand that, we can be more accepting of others and love them in the way that we were meant to. But it all begins with us understanding and loving ourselves first. We can no longer be people pleasers, we have to fans of ourselves.
Love. Hope. Faith.
Kisses. Secrets. Hand holding. Hugs. Good morning texts. Late night phone calls. Love notes. Sleep overs. Delicious dinners. Deep conversations. Spontaneous trips. Priceless companionship. Sounds good doesn’t it?
Now imagine that being replaced with nothing. No kisses. No conversation. No contact. Unreturned texts. Unreturned phone calls. An empty bed. Solo nights. Nothing.
That’s murder. And I’ve faced death.
I’ve been given life before, awakened by love, only to die a slow death. You want to get away with murder? Give your love to someone and then snatch it away.
But what is the alternative? Never be vulnerable to love? Shut it out? Protect yourself?
You can’t die without living first.
No one wants to experience heartache and pain at the hands of someone else, but that is a risk we have to take. Just be cautious of who you’re handing your heart to. They might just be a murderer.
Love. Hope. Faith.