For most of my life I didn’t like myself. I listened to all the negative things that people said about me.
“You’re too quiet”.
“You’re too shy”.
“You’re too this and not enough that”.
So I struggled. Trying to mold myself into what other people wanted me to be. I took on different personalities and personas to please everyone. I sought relationships and friendships where I could focus on another person instead of dealing with me.
It’s hard to be alone with yourself when you don’t like you.
Then all of a sudden when I turned 30, it was like a lightbulb went off (too bad it had to take that long). Instead of listening to others, I started listening to myself. I started on a path of self-discovery. I found out why I’m so reserved (which people look at as quiet), why I prefer to stay home versus going out, why I don’t do crowds, and why I prefer deep conversations and despise small talk. I’m an introvert. I didn’t even know what that meant at first, but once I figured that out, my whole world changed. Instead of feeling like something was wrong me everytime I heard, “Why are you so quiet?” Every. Single. Time. I was among people, now I could care less. I speak when I’m compelled to. That’s me and that’s ok.
We all are different. Once we begin to understand that, we can be more accepting of others and love them in the way that we were meant to. But it all begins with us understanding and loving ourselves first. We can no longer be people pleasers, we have to fans of ourselves.
Love. Hope. Faith.
We worry about who’s she’s been involved with, who’s he’s slept with, who’s hurt us before, if we’ll get hurt again. We worry, worry, worry. Especially when it comes to love. But rightful so. Who in their right mind would want to give all they have in the name of love, just to lose it all? I wish that pain on no one. I’ve experienced it before and never want to experience again. But who’s to say I won’t? We can investigate, build up a wall, and be cautious all we want to, but if we really want love, we have to be willing to risk it all.
The beginnings of relationships can be a beautiful thing. The period of getting to know each other; learning the likes, dislikes, wants, and needs of another person can be an amazing experience. But then you realize how much you’re investing; how it could all be snatched away in one moment. That’s when the fear comes in. Then the worry. Then the breakdown of the relationship.
We get so caught up in the beginning and so worried about the end, that we forget about the middle.
When we do that, we lose moments. We sabotage something that could be beautiful. There are no promises, we don’t know if things will last, but we can take current moments and enjoy them now. We all have a past and we should think about our future, but don’t forget to live in the present.
#love #hope #faith
I love looking at pictures of Ossie Davis and Ruby Dee. They just exuded love. In their time together, not only did they pour into each other, but their love spilled out into the world. They were activists who’s passion about love and life was not able to be caged. They fought together, and I imagine them crying together, laughing together, and bouncing ideas off of each other. They built a life together. Built a family together. I see them lifting and encouraging each other. Of course with all marriages and relationships, when you’re on the outside looking in, you never know what’s really going on. I’m sure they had their difficult times, but what matters most is that they got through it together.
Where is this love?
Am I a fool to believe that this type of love still exists? In a generation of side chicks/dudes and THOTs, Housewives who aren’t housewives, and the acceptance of cheating, lying, and no commitments, can real love be found? What are the ones who still believe in love and marriage supposed to do? I say keep believing. Keeping hoping. Keep praying. I don’t believe that one generation is better than the next. The same opportunities that were available in the past, are still there now. There are still marriages standing the test of time. Although we may not have many images of it, it still exists. We can still find it.
So where is that love? It’s all around us. Waiting to be found.
I’m seeing the dear future wife/dear future husband hash tags and posts everywhere on social media. Some people take a humorous approach to it, some think it’s cute to do, while others like myself believe in it. For me, it’s not meaningless. I am actively speaking into existence the things that I want in my husband. I am actively praying for him whenever the mood strikes. It’s because I believe in him. I believe that he is somewhere out there actively looking for me. Praying for me. It may sound crazy, but that is what faith is about. Speaking to the unseen. Speaking about things as though they are.
So if a spouse is what you desire, pray for them (to show up) and pray for them (their well-being).
Do not be ashamed of what you desire. If you want to be married then speak it. Put it into the atmosphere. Pray about it and believe it will happen for you. Don’t fall into the statistics and reasons why it can’t happen for you. If that desire is in your heart, it was put there and it will be fufilled.
#love #hope #faith
My sister Melissa and I had a great conversation about this story last night. It can be found here: http://madamenoire.com/506085/houston-woman-marries-herself/
A 40 year old woman (which is not old by the way) decides since she is single with no prospects, so she is going to marry herself. Some say she was desperate. Some say she was bold and showed self-love. I say she gave up.
When I thought more about this, the story of Sara and Abraham came to mind. Sara laughed at God when she was told that she would have a baby at her old age (Genesis 18). She even chose to move in her own effort by allowing Abraham to impregnate their servant Hagar, because she believed she was incapable of having children. Even through her moments of doubt and devising her own plans, she still conceived a child just as God had promised.
So guess what? Even when you try to move in your own effort (like give up on love and marry yourself), you can still receive the promises God meant for you to have.
Why would he put a desire in your heart without providing a way to fulfill it?
May you never lose sight of the vision God gave to you. If you want to be a wife or husband, it will happen. If you want to have children, it will happen. Find the scriptures that coincide with the desires you have and meditate on them each day. Hold on to your faith and the promises that were given to you by any means necessary.
#love #hope #faith
Just look back at who surrounded you and who you spent your time with last year. Are they still there now? For me, people I loved, people I believed would remain in my life forever, suddenly left. Unexplainable, unexpectedly, just seemed to disappeared.
I tried to chase, tried to beg, tried to hold on, but my efforts made no difference, they were gone.
I didn’t understand and sometimes I still dont, but I know it was God. I know He has greater plans for me and the places he has set for me to go, some people cannot come. So sometimes He has to tear our world apart and move people out of our way. It seems cruel and unfair, but He knows who belongs in our lives and who doesnt. Don’t fight Him when He starts shifting.
#love #hope #faith
You know what holds us back? Ourselves. We are stagnant because of fear. We sit around waiting for other people to make moves with us. There’s a new resturant you wanna try, but you don’t want to eat alone. There’s a new movie you want to see, but you’re waiting for someone to take you.You want to travel, but what do you look like going alone? Things are more fun with other people so you want someone to come with you. But you’re not going to always have someone to keep you company. People can be flickle, flaky, and unreliable. Or simply, you are in a single stage where you have no one special to do things with. Should that stop you?
Let go of the fear and just go! Go see the places you’ve been wanting to visit, go try new things, and have no regrets! If you keep waiting, the next thing you know years have gone and life has passed you by. Time is way too short. My motto is “time waits for no one and honey neither do I”. Feel free to use it.
#love #hope #faith
Sometimes when I tell people I want to get married again, they can’t believe it. Those who know how it ended wonder why I would want to put myself through that pain again. But who’s to say that I will have the same experience? And honestly, it wasn’t all bad. We had times of fun and laughter, we prayed together, and there was love, but it just had to end. So if I can have good moments with a person who wasn’t meant for me, how beautiful will those moments be with the person that is? I will not let one bad experience taint my entire view of love and marriage.
Our experiences do shape us, but we should not allow them to shake our beliefs and our desires.
We do however, need to hold ourselves accountable and look at our own choices. Just because we fall the first time, doesn’t mean we can’t fly the next.
#love #hope #faith
James 2:26 – “For as the body without the spirit is dead, so faith without works is dead also”.
Works can be interrpreted in several ways, but for today let’s look at it as preparation. When you ask for something in prayer, not only should you believe you will receive it, but you need to expect it. I will use myself as an example.
I want to be a wife and a mother. I have prayed about it and I truly believe in my heart that God will release him to me. So as a single woman, what do I do in the meantime? I prepare for him and my future children. It can be as simple as learning new recipes or keeping a clean home. Anything that will benefit my future family, I need to start practicing now.
What about that new job you want? Should you just continue to pray for it and wait for something to fall in your lap? No! You have to send in applications, revise your resume, and prepare to do the duties of the job you want. God will open a door to you, but you have to knock on it first.
Get in preparation for the vision that you’ve been praying for. Go beyond the faith of a mustard seed and get ready. Pray for it and prepare for it. #love #hope #faith
What reason do people have to lie to you? Why would someone not keep their word? Because honey, some people just talk to hear themselves talk. They will tell you what they think you want to hear because they have their own agenda. Making promises, whispering sweet nothings in your ear and that’s exactly what they plan to do, nothing! That’s why we can’t just listen, we have to look too. Their words need to be followed up with actions. They may be able to talk a good game, but how do they play?