That Dirty Word Submission.

I always find the debate about submission interesting.

“You only submit to your husband”

“You have to submit during a relationship so a man can see that you are wifey material”

“Submission is degrading”

Most women these days aren’t having it at all. Submission has become a dirty word. I watched a reality show recently where a man talked about how he would like a woman with an element of submission to her. The women laughed and walked away. She was offended. So these days if a man talks about how he wants a submissive women, he might not ever see her again.

Let’s be real, submission is not a new concept. It goes back to the to Bible:

Ephesians 5:22-24 – 22 Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.23 For the husband is the head of the wife as Christ is the head of the church, his body, of which he is the Savior. 24 Now as the church submits to Christ, so also wives should submit to their husbands in everything.

What we like to forget is that it says “wives” and that the Bible speaks about the husband’s role too:

Ephesians 5:25-28 – 25 Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her 26 to make her holy, cleansing her by the washing with water through the word, 27 and to present her to himself as a radiant church, without stain or wrinkle or any other blemish, but holy and blameless. 28 In this same way, husbands ought to love their wives as their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself.

I find it funny when the new age or millennial man speaks about wanting a submissive wife, when they are not willing to be that husband that is described. The real question is, do men have the capability of being a husband and head of the household? Taking care of their wife and children? Leading their family into to purpose and prosperity? Because a man like that doesn’t have to worry about finding a women who is submissive. She will easily follow if she knows she is safe and cared for.

Women these days get criticized for being “too independent” which makes them appear to “not need a man”, but how else are they supposed to be? The trash is not going to take itself out. The bills have to get paid. These are not the old days of a couple marrying young, the man working and the woman staying home to take care of the household and children. Men and women have become equal. To be real, it’s becoming, (if not already there) unequal because women are working more than men. Because of this, women hold it down until someone is willing to take the burden off of them. And even after that, women are naturally nurturing and are designed to be helpmates. So the quality of submission will be there. Men don’t have seek or ask for it; when they display leadership qualities, a woman like that is naturally drawn to them.

The trouble is, submission is not properly defined. Submission is not slavery. It is not a bad thing or idea that the women has no will of her own. It is an understanding that men and women both have strengths and weaknesses. During a woman’s time of weakness, she will follow the man’s counsel. During his time of weakness, he will do the same. Honestly, in a healthy relationship or marriage, you are submitting to each other in someway. You both seek each other’s advice and put each other’s needs in consideration. So submission is not this strange, old, one-sided concept that we make it out to be. Submission is not limited to the woman. Submission is “the action or fact of accepting or yielding to a superior force or to the will or authority of another person”.

Person.

I’ve Overstayed My Welcome.

I admire men. Some of them have hurt me to the core, but I still love them. One thing that I would like to learn from them is to be able to leave a relationship when it’s no longer serving me. Mind you, some men don’t do it in the greatest of ways; they might go ghost (stop taking your calls, totally disappear off the face of the earth) or they may just straight up tell you that you suck and they don’t want to be with you. BUT they know when it’s time to get out.

Women however, will try to revive and resuscitate a dead relationship. We will try to change ourselves, the situation, hell even the man. We will accept, adapt, and suffer through mistreatment. Let a man face the same obstacles and he will be gone before you know what hit you. They know when a relationship is not going anywhere. They will drop you if you don’t met their requirements. They will not tolerate mistreatment, lack of attention, or lukewarm feelings. And these are all the things that women choose to accept in order to save a relationship. Why is that?

I can only share my own opinions and personal thoughts:

We fear that there is no one else out there for us. Lies.

We are holding out for marriage. But if we’re being treated badly, why would we want to marry them anyway?

We have invested so much time. An investment is only worth its return.

We are hoping they’ll change. Do they ever though?

These are just a few of the thoughts that I’ve had to fight though over my dating/relationship career. I suppose now that I’m over 30, I have made it my business not to waste my time or others. So this trait that men seem to have over us, I’m actively working to pick up. I will no longer ignore red flags, waste years of my life waiting for a man to decide I’m worthy of being his wife, or believe words without action to back it up. When those spider senses start tingling, I will shoot my web and fly.

How to Get Away With Murder.

Kisses. Secrets. Hand holding. Hugs. Good morning texts. Late night phone calls. Love notes. Sleep overs. Delicious dinners. Deep conversations. Spontaneous trips. Priceless companionship. Sounds good doesn’t it?

Now imagine that being replaced with nothing. No kisses. No conversation. No contact. Unreturned texts. Unreturned phone calls. An empty bed. Solo nights. Nothing.

That’s murder. And I’ve faced death.

I’ve been given life before, awakened by love, only to die a slow death. You want to get away with murder? Give your love to someone and then snatch it away.

But what is the alternative? Never be vulnerable to love? Shut it out? Protect yourself?

You can’t die without living first.

No one wants to experience heartache and pain at the hands of someone else, but that is a risk we have to take. Just be cautious of who you’re handing your heart to. They might just be a murderer.

Love. Hope. Faith.
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No Fear in Love.

We worry about who’s she’s been involved with, who’s he’s slept with, who’s hurt us before, if we’ll get hurt again. We worry, worry, worry. Especially when it comes to love. But rightful so. Who in their right mind would want to give all they have in the name of love, just to lose it all? I wish that pain on no one. I’ve experienced it before and never want to experience again. But who’s to say I won’t?  We can investigate, build up a wall, and be cautious all we want to, but if we really want love, we have to be willing to risk it all.

The beginnings of relationships can be a beautiful thing. The period of getting to know each other; learning the likes, dislikes, wants, and needs of another person can be an amazing experience. But then you realize how much you’re investing; how it could all be snatched away in one moment. That’s when the fear comes in. Then the worry. Then the breakdown of the relationship.

We get so caught up in the beginning and so worried about the end, that we forget about the middle.

When we do that, we lose moments. We sabotage something that could be beautiful. There are no promises, we don’t know if things will last, but we can take current moments and enjoy them now. We all have a past and we should think about our future, but don’t forget to live in the present.

#love #hope #faith

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Attitude Adjustment.

I must admit, I move a little slow when it comes to letting go of people. It’s the Scorpio trait in me I suppose. If I’m having trouble removing you out of my life, it’s because we’ve built great memories, I’m thinking about how you used to be, and I’m desperately hoping you will change. But once I’m tired of the lack of phone calls, text messages not being responded to, and actions not being aligned with words, I finally wake up. Once I finally let go, I let go completely. You are nonexistent. You are a non-factor. The love is still there, but simply IDFWY. It’s interesting because its only when I get to that point, people start coming back around. I start getting those, “Hey stranger” texts.

No. Wait. Pause.

I have the title of a “stranger” only  because you gave it to me. You only see the distance that’s there, but not what was done to create it. People who are like that love to place the blame on you somehow, just to guilt you into letting them back in. But if I gave you a space in my life and you choose the lose your place by your own actions, don’t try weasel your way back in.

#love #hope #faith

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Holding On (L.T.D.)

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My friend said this to me the other day and it hit me like a lightening bolt. Every single relationship I’ve ever been in, I’ve fought to hold on to. Even in my marriage when I knew it might cost me my life if I stayed, I still battled with the decision of divorce.

I hold on to love for dear life because love IS my life.

It still is and will always be. I still love with all that I have in me, but I finally came to the realization that if I had to fight that hard, if I was fighting by myself, and if I was the only one holding on, it couldn’t be love. If it was, that’s not the kind of love that I wanted. I want someone who values me and the relationship just as much as I do. I want someone who respects me and is grateful to have me in their life. I want to be celebrated, not tolerated. I want someone that I will not have to chase, but will run towards me. I have not had that. When I finally let go because my hands were aching and bleeding from keeping things together, that’s when they wanted to come back. It’s not fair. Why should I give my heart back to the same person that broke it? What I need is someone who is going to hold on to me and never let go. And that’s what you need too.

#love #hope #faith

Round Holes, Square Pegs

I think we all at some point have had a picture in our mind of the type of person we would like to be with. Or at least an idea of how we would like our relationship to be. So when someone comes along that we like, we can sometimes try to fit them into the vision we have created for ourselves. We overlook habits, traits, and flaws that would otherwise be an issue, but we choose to ignore them because we want “them” to be “it”.

They become our mirage.

“So what if he smokes and drinks, thats not a big deal. I can get him to quit”.

“She might go out a lot now, but I’m sure I can change her”.

We start plotting ways that we can change them into the mold that we want. Eventually, we find out that we do not have the power to change anyone. In that discovery, the relationship falls apart and those things that were overlooked, soon become apparent. So we must be cautious in our choosing. We must be responsible for our choices. And we must not fall for our own illusions.

#love #hope #faith

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Why Did I Get Married?

I recently had a discussion with a few friends about marriage. They each said the same thing; they were afraid of getting married because of the horror stories associated with it (heck I have one of my own). They know spouses who cheat on each other. They hear stories of abuse and mistreatment. The divorce rate is high, so I don’t blame them for their fear. My argument was, when you think about these couples, look at what the circumstances were before they got married. 9 times out of 10, the same things that are happening within the marriage, is the same things that were happening before then.

People don’t change just because of a piece of paper and some rings.

If they were lying, cheating, and abusive in the relationship, chances are those things won’t cease just because of some wedding vows. Marriage is not the band aid to relationship wounds. When we realize this, we can possibly  avoid the demise of a beautiful institution.

#love #hope #faith

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Long Distance Love

Real love is not based on conditions. It is never changing. If you’ve ever really loved someone, that love doesn’t just go away. Even through breakups and goodbyes, it still lingers. It just evolves into something else. The “in love” changes to love from a distance. That person becomes a part of your past, a chapter in your history.

Whether we know it or not, the people who come into our lives, whether they love us or hurt us, help to shape us into who we are.

So no matter how that relationship ended or what they did to you, forgive them and continue to love them despite of. You may never what to see them again, but that doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just turns into a long distance love.

#love #hope #faith

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Go Over, Not Under.

You’ve heard the phrase, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”. It may make you feel good for the moment, but it’s only a temporary fix. Moving on seems easier when you have someone else as a distraction, but the thoughts, issues, and memories will still be there if you never address them.

Getting into a rebound relationship is not going to numb the pain.

You will not be able to move into a healthy relationship, if you do not deal with the ending of the previous one. You should not start something new with old, unresolved feelings. As crazy as it sounds, let yourself feel the disappointment and saddness. Face your feelings head on and give yourself time to heal and regroup. Endings are usually great beginnings, but you shouldn’t move on to the next chapter if you didn’t understand the first.

#love #hope #faith

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