fear

For most of my life I didn’t like myself. I listened to all the negative things that people said about me.

“You’re too quiet”.
“You’re too shy”.
“You’re too this and not enough that”.

So I struggled. Trying to mold myself into what other people wanted me to be. I took on different personalities and personas to please everyone. I sought relationships and friendships where I could focus on another person instead of dealing with me.

It’s hard to be alone with yourself when you don’t like you.

Then all of a sudden when I turned 30, it was like a lightbulb went off (too bad it had to take that long). Instead of listening to others, I started listening to myself. I started on a path of self-discovery. I found out why I’m so reserved (which people look at as quiet), why I prefer to stay home versus going out, why I don’t do crowds, and why I prefer deep conversations and despise small talk. I’m an introvert. I didn’t even know what that meant at first, but once I figured that out, my whole world changed. Instead of feeling like something was wrong me everytime I heard, “Why are you so quiet?” Every. Single. Time. I was among people, now I could care less. I speak when I’m compelled to. That’s me and that’s ok.

We all are different. Once we begin to understand that, we can be more accepting of others and love them in the way that we were meant to. But it all begins with us understanding and loving ourselves first. We can no longer be people pleasers, we have to fans of ourselves.

Love. Hope. Faith.