Celebration or Toleration?

You know what I love to see? People celebrating the ones they love. Proud to post pictures of their family. Give a birthday shout out. Share an anniversary dedication. Or just a random Man crush Monday or Woman crush Wednesday.

So often you see one person/spouse/significant other (usually the woman) posting the trips, smiling faces during dates, and affectionate declarations of love. And then you go on their partner’s page (usually the man) and that same person who is singing praises is no where to be found.

I’ll use myself as an example. If you look on my Facebook and Instagram it won’t take you long to know that I’m married. You will see a few pictures of my wedding, posts celebrating our anniversary, and random “Look at my husband, I’m so in love posts”. Then if you take a look at my husband’s, you wouldn’t even know we were married. He looks like an eligible bachelor. There’s not one picture of us together. Not one tag from me thats been approved. Not one share of my book or my accomplishments (which I asked him to share). And I can easily write this openly because he doesn’t have any interest in what I’m doing or writing.

Now I know some people are private and want to keep some things off of social media, but in this day and age, is anybody really THAT private?

If your significant other is not excited about you, not celebrating you, not proud of you, then why are with them? They should be your biggest cheerleader. Supporting your hopes and dreams. Happy about your new job. Investing in the business. Promoting your book. Shouting the loudest when you got your degree. And posting a simple, fucking picture of you.

And it goes beyond social media, but hey, that’s a start.

So let’s ask ourselves, are we being celebrated or tolerated?

Decisions, Decisions.

“It all starts with a decision”, he said.

That simple phrase has made me think about every decision I’ve made up until this point. And now it has made me really think about my future decisions.

The decision to go left or right can lead you to a road of joy or pain. It’s scary because it’s Russian Roulette and if you’re anything like me, you over analyze everything.

Your decisions not only affect you, but the people that surround you. Friends. Family. People you love. People you work with.

But the thing about making choices is that you have the ability to change your mind and your circumstances. You have the free will to change your situations. The old saying of “You made your bed, now lie in it” may be true, but the truth is you can get up. You have the ability to get comfortable under the covers or throw them off and make the next decision.

So exercise your right to make decisions; to marry, to divorce, to apply for the job, to quit the job, to move to another state, to stay at home. Do it all or do nothing at all. It’s your decision.

But it all starts with a decision.

Enjoy your freewill.

New Mom, Who Dis?

Between being a new mom and the pressures of work, I haven’t felt like myself lately. I can’t remember the last time I put on make-up. Please don’t look at my nails or toes. Don’t ask me the last time I went to a concert, movie, or an outing without Jayden. Don’t even talk about the gym. Planet Fitness has just been taking my $20 every month, but haven’t seen me since I was pregnant.

The trip that my husband and I took in January was supposed to give me a new perspective. Remember, “Let’s practice self-care all 2019”? Well yeah, I haven’t been doing that.

I’ve always been one to put other’s needs ahead of my own, but it’s become especially bad these last weeks. I wake up with thoughts of “What do I need to do for my son, my husband, and my job today?”, but never, “What do I need to do for myself?”

I know being a mom is no excuse. I know for a fact that moms can stay in fashion and in shape, look polished and manicured, all while taking care of their family.

Well, let’s just say I haven’t gotten the hang of it yet. I’m a hot mess.

7 months may seem like enough time to get myself together but believe me, time flies and those months have been a blur of nursing, pumping, cleaning, washing, changing, feeding, entertaining, teaching, working, rinse, repeat.

It’s not that I hate doing these things. Being a wife and mother is everything I prayed for and I know responsibilities come with it. It’s just that I have to make myself a priority. I need to be taken care of too and I have to make the time to do it.

Now that I’ve recognized that it’s too much of a problem, I am determined to take a piece of my day and dedicate it to doing something for me.

So to all the other mommies who feel like me, let’s try to practice daily self-care. Give yourself 30 minutes to exercise, go get a mani/pedi, go see a movie by yourself, hell, just take the long way home if you have to. We need it. If we don’t take care of ourselves, we can’t take care of the people we love.

Now let’s see if I can go practice what I preach.

Momma Knows Best.

When it comes to my family, I can be pretty private. I sometimes find it weird and uncomfortable to talk to my mom about my dating life. But because she loves me, she will ask and if she asks, I share. I know it’s only out of concern. She’s not one of those moms who just wants grandkids. She knows what I want as far as marriage and kids and she truly just wants to see me have the things I desire. And hey, if she gets some grandkids out of the deal, she won’t complain either.

So last night we had one of those conversations. And it was only because she asked. So I went on to tell her about my latest dating woes and frustration.

She listened, took it in, and then she begin to let me have it. 

                 ::In her fussing voice::

Sherron, stop settling. Stop thinking you are on this time clock and that you have to take whatever you can get. You have so much going for you. Someone would be lucky to have you. And if they can’t see the type of woman you are, then they aren’t worth your time

She said so much more, but that stuck with me. I mean, in the back of my mind I know these things, but it’s something about when your mother says it. It must be the truth.

Sometimes we need that reassurance from our moms. Their knowledge. Their wisdom. Their experience. And sometimes just a kick in the pants.

You’re right mom. You’re right.

But Are You Really Ready?

I had a revelation today as I was driving to work. Am I ready for the things that I want in my life? I was eager to get a vision board made and I look at it daily. I have scriptures and quotes all around my house to encourage me. But just because I’m calling things into my life, just because I am trying to speak things into existence, am I really ready for it?

A wife and mother is something I know I want to be. Something that I WILL be. But as much as I want it, I have to stop and think, am I prepared for it? Being those things takes sacrifice. No more get up and go. No more being spontaneous and being selfish with my time. Being those things will cause me to think more about the people that I love more than myself. Not saying that it’s so far from what I’m doing now but, I would have to worry about their needs and wants daily. The only person I have to think about right now is me. Once I eat (along with my dog), my family is fed.

Having a vision is more than putting up a collection of pictures and looking at them everyday. It’s about putting your words into action. It’s thinking about the things that you want, preparing for it, and executing a plan.

Packing lunches, cooking dinner, weekly grocery shopping, washing and folding more clothes, sharing closet space, attending PTA meetings, picking up my husband’s shoes from the middle of the floor, and hearing “Mommy, Mommy, MOMMY!” every 10 minutes.

Again, am I ready for it?

Thinking about your vision, Are you ready for it?

 

Family Ties

I love sitting around with my family. Hearing stories about my grandmother. Learning about my family history. This Christmas was no different. As much as I enjoyed listening and participating in conversation, we got on a topic that was disturbing; our track record in marriages. We went down the list of my aunts and uncles and everyone, but 1 or 2 were divorced. This included my parents. We went down the list of nieces and nephews. Same thing; divorced. This included my own failed marriage.

We joked that it’s “something about our family”, but really it was a little discouraging. I picked up on this family pattern at an early age and I vowed I would be the one who would stay married. Divorce would not be an option, yet here I am. Among the list of marriages that just didn’t work.

We can laugh at ourselves, but really, how do we fix this?

I truly believe in family traits, personalities, and habits being passed down from generation to generation. Some things can become a family curse. Abuse, alcoholism, etc. can linger in your family tree and you are exposed to it. Unconsciously, we pick up the things we see growing up and emulate whether we realize it or not. But we have the power to truly look at ourselves and choose to go our own path. There are so many family traits I’m proud of; our strong values in education, our work ethic, our financial savy, our giving spirit, and the list goes on. But as with every family, with the good, there is not so good. Our divorce rate is one of those things. So what di we do?

In my case, I am not going to let the past haunt me. Yes, I am divorced just like others in my family, but that doesn’t have to label me. No more believing in the “family curse”. Secondly, I’m taking a good long look at myself. So often we want to blame others and not take responsibility. What did I learn from my marriage? What could I have done better? How can I prevent this from happening again? Was I even ready to be a wife? Am I ready now?

These are the questions that I ask myself often. I will not let my family history, let alone my own, affect my future. I will be happily married someday and it will last. Family curse? What curse?

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Love. Hope. Faith.

3 a.m.

For the last few nights I’ve been waking up at 3 am. I never take these things lightly. When this happens I always feel like God is trying to speak to me. He wants my attention. But this time felt different, I woke up needing Him instead.

I asked Him questions I wanted answers to like:

“Why do I have this feeling of needing more?”
“Why is life so hard?”
“What am I looking for?”
“What is my purpose?”
“What?”
“When?”
“Where?”
“Why? Why? Why?”

The answer I received was in a voice that sounded like my own which said, “The hardest thing you have to do in this world is live in it”. It didn’t specifically answer all my questions, but it gave me what I needed to know.

No one promised us it would be easy. What seems easy for some, is harder for others. We all have different paths; some are cemented for smooth sailing, while some are rocky with potholes. The road we are given shapes us into what we need to be and pushes us into our purpose. So what we go through now may not make sense until later. But we still have to live. No matter how hard it is, we still have to push through. Through doubts, fears, and endless questions.

And that revelation was my answer.

Love. Hope. Faith.

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People Pleaser.

For most of my life I didn’t like myself. I listened to all the negative things that people said about me.

“You’re too quiet”.
“You’re too shy”.
“You’re too this and not enough that”.

So I struggled. Trying to mold myself into what other people wanted me to be. I took on different personalities and personas to please everyone. I sought relationships and friendships where I could focus on another person instead of dealing with me.

It’s hard to be alone with yourself when you don’t like you.

Then all of a sudden when I turned 30, it was like a lightbulb went off (too bad it had to take that long). Instead of listening to others, I started listening to myself. I started on a path of self-discovery. I found out why I’m so reserved (which people look at as quiet), why I prefer to stay home versus going out, why I don’t do crowds, and why I prefer deep conversations and despise small talk. I’m an introvert. I didn’t even know what that meant at first, but once I figured that out, my whole world changed. Instead of feeling like something was wrong me everytime I heard, “Why are you so quiet?” Every. Single. Time. I was among people, now I could care less. I speak when I’m compelled to. That’s me and that’s ok.

We all are different. Once we begin to understand that, we can be more accepting of others and love them in the way that we were meant to. But it all begins with us understanding and loving ourselves first. We can no longer be people pleasers, we have to fans of ourselves.

Love. Hope. Faith.

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Please Return to Sender.

Excuse me while I laugh out loud. Exs… boy they are funny. I love when they come back (because they always do), and say:

“Where did we go wrong?”,
“What happened to us?”
“Why did we break up?”

Then your life starts flashing before your eyes. As they talk or as you read that text, email, or inbox message, you remember the pain you endured throughout the relationship. You want to scream! Ummmmm excuse me, were we in the same relationship? Do you have amnesia? Do you even realize what you put me through?? But you have to remember:

A person with no future always returns to their past.

They are probably doing the same crap, in the same position, and mistreating others in the same type of way. Now they want to crawl back to you so they can do the same thing all over again. Or maybe they realized what a good person you were to them and it’s not so easy to replace you. Either way….

They can go kick rocks.
Don’t open that package.
Please return to sender.

Love. Hope. Faith.
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Who’s to Blame?

Blame game. Blame game. Let’s play shall we?

Why are relationships between men and women (particularly the black man and woman) in the state they are in now?

It’s all the woman’s fault.
She is a golddigger. She makes too much money.
She’s a whore. She won’t give it up.
She settles. She’s too picky.
She wears weave. She’s too natural. She’s doesn’t care about herself. She’s too confident.

Nope, it’s the man’s fault.
He’s aggressive. He’s too passive.
He’s not goal oriented. He works too much.
He doesn’t show me enough attention. He’s thirsty.

How can we blame each other when we don’t even know what we want in each other?

All these contradictions, no wonder we’re all confused. It’s time we stop looking for others to blame and start looking within ourselves. What we need to do is talk to each other. And not just men addressing women on what they need to change (which I’ve noticed has become a trend), but men talking to other men. Women having discussions with other women. How can we build each other up to be better for ourselves and the opposite sex?

Enough with the blame game.

Love. Hope. Faith.
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