I Forgive Me.

I must admit I can be naive. I look at the world in these rose colored glasses. Believing that all people are good. But gone are the days when you could leave your porch door open. Gone are the days when you could let a man come pick you up from your home for a first date. And now apparently, you can’t park your own car in your own driveway.

Yesterday, to my surprise, I woke up to see my car window shattered. Not to be broken in, thank God, but just to be vandalized. Someone shot two of my windows with a pellet gun for fun. You can imagine how upset I was. I felt violated. Something I worked hard for was tampered with for the sake of….well nothing. The funny thing is, something told me to pull it in the garage that night. I usually do, but I got sidetracked and just didn’t. I figured it’s in my driveway, locked up, and I’ve left it out there before with no problem, so it should be ok. So when I made the discovery, I wasn’t just mad at who did it, but I was mad at myself for leaving it vulnerable. This situation opened up my mind to wonder:

How do you forgive yourself?

Although, someone else did the act, I played a part in it because of my own decision. I didn’t listen to my spirit. My intuition. The inkling. Whatever you want to call it, I ignored it. So because of that, I blame myself. This showed me that it’s just important to forgive yourself as you do others. Matter of fact, forgiving yourself is harder. You can forgive others and never have to deal with them again, but you, you can’t run away from yourself. You have to live with your own decisions and consequences.

So what will be my steps to forgiving myself? I will get it repaired immediately (my OCD won’t allow me to drive around like that for long). I will always, always, always park my car in the garage from now on. I will take this as a learning experience. It could have been much worse. This act of vandalism may have saved me from an actual break in somewhere down the road. And I will listen to my heart and spirit at all times.

I forgive them and I forgive me.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Old Phones Can Open New Doors?

So my phone decided to just shut down on me. Luckily, I’ve been in this situation enough times to keep an old one. Usually I erase all the pictures, texts, and data from old phones, but since I wasn’t getting rid of it, it still had everything from before I stopped using it. As soon as I powered it on, I went into my old text messages. I still had old texts from my ex. He used to send me a daily quote everyday. Since I write morning messages for everyone else, he thought it would be nice for me to get one as well. He was such a caring and thoughtful guy. Was….but I digress. One quote I saved stared me in the face:

“I’ve felt my fair share of pain, but nothing hurts more than not being enough to someone you gave yourself completely to”

I don’t know who wrote it. I never bothered to look because at that time it didn’t apply. I was so happy and in love that I didn’t think twice about it. But funny how it’s so fitting now. It is a perfect description of how I felt when things ended. To me, nothing hurts worse then feeling rejected and abandoned by the one you love. That’s why it’s so easy for us to become guarded. We put up walls because we think it’s better to shut out people who could potentially bring us pain.

But if we try to shut out sadness, we will shut out happiness too.

So this old phone did bring sadness and disappointment. It did remind me of the relationship that failed. But it is also a reminder that even the old can bring new things ahead.

I got my new replacement phone today.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Slip ups.

I called an ex last night.

I know, I know. Bad. He didn’t answer thank God. I was having a weak moment. I started thinking about him, reminiscing on the times we spent, and fell into a vulnerable state. But fate knew better. Either that or he sent me to voicemail ::shrugs shoulders::

I was seeking a temporary fix. Trying to feel something more than pain and loneliness. But doing that would have only left me with regret and more confusion later.

Pain + pain = More pain

I share that to say this, even in our strongest times, we will have weak moments. Although I’m in a great place in my life; good friends, supportive family, career, strong faith in God, etc., there are moments when I feel unfufilled because I don’t have that special love in my life. I’m not afraid to admit it. I want to share the things that most people are afraid to. The good thing is, they are only moments and those moments eventually pass.

We’re human. We all want love whether we admit it or not. We all have vulnerable moments. We may backtrack. What’s important is that we don’t let a moment of weakness like calling our ex, pull us into a pit of despair. Slip ups or just that, slip ups. We didn’t fall.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Single. So?

So I have 4 jobs.
I work full time as a special teacher, I teach 2 different afterschool programs, and I give therapy to kids on the side. Even with all that, I manage to keep my weekends free. That is my time to relax, read, catch up with friends, go the movies, whatever I wanna do. But believe it or not, it can also be a difficult time. Why? Because it makes me face the reality that I’m alone. I wake up Saturday mornings in an empty bed (Well, I wake up every morning in an empty bed, but Saturdays give me time to think about it…lol). It can be hard because I remember the days when I could roll over to cuddle and kiss and……make breakfast. Now I roll over to catch my dog staring at me like, “Can you get up and let me out, please?” Don’t get me wrong, this is not one of those sad, single, and lonely rants, but it’s a reality.

Not everyday you’re going to enjoy being single. And that’s ok.

It’s ok to desire companionship. It’s ok to want love and affection. The thing is, not to let those desires keep you from enjoying your life now. There are so many things you can accomplish in your single stage. Pursue your education (Dr. Days has a nice ring to it), go travel (Bahamas is waiting for me in May), fellowship with old and new friends, and so on and so on. This is a time to build. To prepare. To be a better you. Not just for you, but for the person that’s looking for you.

So you’re single. So?

#love #hope #faith

Loving You is Easy.

My mother has always told me that someone who truly loves you will do anything to see you happy. Their actions align with their words. Your feelings and well being are a concern for them. Your smile is a delight for them to see. They make sure that you never have to question their love for you.

When it’s real love, it flows as easy as the breeze.

It’s poured into you and feeds your soul. Even through difficult times, you still feel it. There is no chasing, begging, or doubt. So you have to stop running after people and trying to change them. Trying to force them into providing a love that they aren’t willing to give. It’s time for you to have the one who’s favorite hobby is loving you. That’s a love worth waiting for.

#love #hope #faith

Attitude Adjustment.

I must admit, I move a little slow when it comes to letting go of people. It’s the Scorpio trait in me I suppose. If I’m having trouble removing you out of my life, it’s because we’ve built great memories, I’m thinking about how you used to be, and I’m desperately hoping you will change. But once I’m tired of the lack of phone calls, text messages not being responded to, and actions not being aligned with words, I finally wake up. Once I finally let go, I let go completely. You are nonexistent. You are a non-factor. The love is still there, but simply IDFWY. It’s interesting because its only when I get to that point, people start coming back around. I start getting those, “Hey stranger” texts.

No. Wait. Pause.

I have the title of a “stranger” only¬† because you gave it to me. You only see the distance that’s there, but not what was done to create it. People who are like that love to place the blame on you somehow, just to guilt you into letting them back in. But if I gave you a space in my life and you choose the lose your place by your own actions, don’t try weasel your way back in.

#love #hope #faith


Just Go Already!

You know what holds us back? Ourselves. We are stagnant because of fear. We sit around waiting for other people to make moves with us. There’s a new resturant you wanna try, but you don’t want to eat alone. There’s a new movie you want to see, but you’re waiting for someone to take you.You want to travel, but what do you look like going alone? Things are more fun with other people so you want someone to come with you. But you’re not going to always have someone to keep you company. People can be flickle, flaky, and unreliable. Or simply, you are in a single stage where you have no one special to do things with. Should that stop you?

Absolutely not!

Let go of the fear and just go! Go see the places you’ve been wanting to visit, go try new things, and have no regrets! If you keep waiting, the next thing you know years have gone and life has passed you by. Time is way too short. My motto is “time waits for no one and honey neither do I”. Feel free to use it.

#love #hope #faith



Don’t be alarmed, but they’re watching you. They see you making moves. They see your inner glow. They see your giving nature and joyful spirit. Instead of trying to develop these qualities within themselves, they are waiting in the cut, ready to pounce on you at the given opportunity.

Waiting and willing to suck all that life out of you to create their own.

Not everyone is going to put in the work that you did to get where you are and be who you are. So they search for people that they can drain. They will gladly ride your coat tails until you take them where they need to go. Beware of these parasites. Do not let them steal your energy and resources. Protect what’s valuable, you.

#love #hope #faith


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Don’t Look Back, You’re Not Going That Way.

It would be easier to just turn around. To run back to the familiar. This road you’re on is too hard. You had to leave the person you love, some of your friends, even family. You want to go back because it’s lonely on this path and the destination is uncertain. All you know is that you don’t belong where you once were. It was too complacent and staggered. So you know it’s time to elevate. Unfortunately, some people are going to have to stay behind.

You can’t take the same mindset and habits where you’re going.

It may be difficult and uncomfortable, but don’t turn back. There will be some long days and lonely nights. But new experiences and new people await you. Promotion awaits you. The rewards will be greater than anything you’re leaving behind, but you can’t reach them if you keep trying to turn around.

#love #hope #faith


Welcome to the Friendzone

What is this place that we’ve created? Somewhere that we store people who like us, may even love us, but the feelings aren’t mutual. We hang out with them when we’re in between relationships to keep us from being lonely or bored. Going to the movies, breaking bread, inviting them over; all while knowing we have no romantic interest in them. Listen here, I don’t have a friend zone nor do I desire to be in one. Please don’t hit me up to go to Applebee’s or Olive Garden because your girlfriend dumped you.

We need to get back to real friendships.
If you’re friends, be friends with no gray areas. This is how people get hurt because they feel there is wiggle room for more. They have the Steve Urkel mentality of “I’m wearing them down”, when in your mind it will never go there. No one desires to be used just to pass the time. No one should accept being trapped in a friend zone when there is someone willing to give the entire area.

#love #hope #faith