People Pleaser.

For most of my life I didn’t like myself. I listened to all the negative things that people said about me.

“You’re too quiet”.
“You’re too shy”.
“You’re too this and not enough that”.

So I struggled. Trying to mold myself into what other people wanted me to be. I took on different personalities and personas to please everyone. I sought relationships and friendships where I could focus on another person instead of dealing with me.

It’s hard to be alone with yourself when you don’t like you.

Then all of a sudden when I turned 30, it was like a lightbulb went off (too bad it had to take that long). Instead of listening to others, I started listening to myself. I started on a path of self-discovery. I found out why I’m so reserved (which people look at as quiet), why I prefer to stay home versus going out, why I don’t do crowds, and why I prefer deep conversations and despise small talk. I’m an introvert. I didn’t even know what that meant at first, but once I figured that out, my whole world changed. Instead of feeling like something was wrong me everytime I heard, “Why are you so quiet?” Every. Single. Time. I was among people, now I could care less. I speak when I’m compelled to. That’s me and that’s ok.

We all are different. Once we begin to understand that, we can be more accepting of others and love them in the way that we were meant to. But it all begins with us understanding and loving ourselves first. We can no longer be people pleasers, we have to fans of ourselves.

Love. Hope. Faith.

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Attitude Adjustment.

I must admit, I move a little slow when it comes to letting go of people. It’s the Scorpio trait in me I suppose. If I’m having trouble removing you out of my life, it’s because we’ve built great memories, I’m thinking about how you used to be, and I’m desperately hoping you will change. But once I’m tired of the lack of phone calls, text messages not being responded to, and actions not being aligned with words, I finally wake up. Once I finally let go, I let go completely. You are nonexistent. You are a non-factor. The love is still there, but simply IDFWY. It’s interesting because its only when I get to that point, people start coming back around. I start getting those, “Hey stranger” texts.

No. Wait. Pause.

I have the title of a “stranger” only¬† because you gave it to me. You only see the distance that’s there, but not what was done to create it. People who are like that love to place the blame on you somehow, just to guilt you into letting them back in. But if I gave you a space in my life and you choose the lose your place by your own actions, don’t try weasel your way back in.

#love #hope #faith

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Round Holes, Square Pegs

I think we all at some point have had a picture in our mind of the type of person we would like to be with. Or at least an idea of how we would like our relationship to be. So when someone comes along that we like, we can sometimes try to fit them into the vision we have created for ourselves. We overlook habits, traits, and flaws that would otherwise be an issue, but we choose to ignore them because we want “them” to be “it”.

They become our mirage.

“So what if he smokes and drinks, thats not a big deal. I can get him to quit”.

“She might go out a lot now, but I’m sure I can change her”.

We start plotting ways that we can change them into the mold that we want. Eventually, we find out that we do not have the power to change anyone. In that discovery, the relationship falls apart and those things that were overlooked, soon become apparent. So we must be cautious in our choosing. We must be responsible for our choices. And we must not fall for our own illusions.

#love #hope #faith

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Long Distance Love

Real love is not based on conditions. It is never changing. If you’ve ever really loved someone, that love doesn’t just go away. Even through breakups and goodbyes, it still lingers. It just evolves into something else. The “in love” changes to love from a distance. That person becomes a part of your past, a chapter in your history.

Whether we know it or not, the people who come into our lives, whether they love us or hurt us, help to shape us into who we are.

So no matter how that relationship ended or what they did to you, forgive them and continue to love them despite of. You may never what to see them again, but that doesn’t mean the love goes away. It just turns into a long distance love.

#love #hope #faith

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Go Over, Not Under.

You’ve heard the phrase, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else”. It may make you feel good for the moment, but it’s only a temporary fix. Moving on seems easier when you have someone else as a distraction, but the thoughts, issues, and memories will still be there if you never address them.

Getting into a rebound relationship is not going to numb the pain.

You will not be able to move into a healthy relationship, if you do not deal with the ending of the previous one. You should not start something new with old, unresolved feelings. As crazy as it sounds, let yourself feel the disappointment and saddness. Face your feelings head on and give yourself time to heal and regroup. Endings are usually great beginnings, but you shouldn’t move on to the next chapter if you didn’t understand the first.

#love #hope #faith

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1 + 2 = 2?

I am extremely selfish when it comes to love. I am not sharing you. You’re not about to run back and forth between me and someone else. I have no time for flip floppers. Or flakes. Or confusion.

It’s all or nothing with me.

Either I get the number one spot or there is no place for me. I’m smashing that runner up trophy. If someone else captures your attention, let them keep it. If their looks, style, personality, or big ass pulls you away from me, then get going. Because there is someone out there that will put me first and will realize there is no competition.

We have to have this attitude. We have to know our worth. Otherwise people will string us along, have us waiting, have us chasing, and have us competing. Relationships should not be a game show. Yes, dating allows you to discover what type of person you desire by seeing different people, but once a commitment has been made, the back and forth should cease. If they are running back and forth between you and someone else, take yourself out of the equation.

#love #hope #faith

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Just Go Already!

You know what holds us back? Ourselves. We are stagnant because of fear. We sit around waiting for other people to make moves with us. There’s a new resturant you wanna try, but you don’t want to eat alone. There’s a new movie you want to see, but you’re waiting for someone to take you.You want to travel, but what do you look like going alone? Things are more fun with other people so you want someone to come with you. But you’re not going to always have someone to keep you company. People can be flickle, flaky, and unreliable. Or simply, you are in a single stage where you have no one special to do things with. Should that stop you?

Absolutely not!

Let go of the fear and just go! Go see the places you’ve been wanting to visit, go try new things, and have no regrets! If you keep waiting, the next thing you know years have gone and life has passed you by. Time is way too short. My motto is “time waits for no one and honey neither do I”. Feel free to use it.

#love #hope #faith

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Again? Yes, Again.

Sometimes when I tell people I want to get married again, they can’t believe it. Those who know how it ended wonder why I would want to put myself through that pain again. But who’s to say that I will have the same experience? And honestly, it wasn’t all bad. We had times of fun and laughter, we prayed together, and there was love, but it just had to end. So if I can have good moments with a person who wasn’t meant for me, how beautiful will those moments be with the person that is? I will not let one bad experience taint my entire view of love and marriage.

Our experiences do shape us, but we should not allow them to shake our beliefs and our desires.

We do however, need to hold ourselves accountable and look at our own choices. Just because we fall the first time, doesn’t mean we can’t fly the next.
#love #hope #faith

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Parasites.

Don’t be alarmed, but they’re watching you. They see you making moves. They see your inner glow. They see your giving nature and joyful spirit. Instead of trying to develop these qualities within themselves, they are waiting in the cut, ready to pounce on you at the given opportunity.

Waiting and willing to suck all that life out of you to create their own.

Not everyone is going to put in the work that you did to get where you are and be who you are. So they search for people that they can drain. They will gladly ride your coat tails until you take them where they need to go. Beware of these parasites. Do not let them steal your energy and resources. Protect what’s valuable, you.

#love #hope #faith

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Don’t Look Back, You’re Not Going That Way.

It would be easier to just turn around. To run back to the familiar. This road you’re on is too hard. You had to leave the person you love, some of your friends, even family. You want to go back because it’s lonely on this path and the destination is uncertain. All you know is that you don’t belong where you once were. It was too complacent and staggered. So you know it’s time to elevate. Unfortunately, some people are going to have to stay behind.

You can’t take the same mindset and habits where you’re going.

It may be difficult and uncomfortable, but don’t turn back. There will be some long days and lonely nights. But new experiences and new people await you. Promotion awaits you. The rewards will be greater than anything you’re leaving behind, but you can’t reach them if you keep trying to turn around.

#love #hope #faith

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