Author: Sherron

I love sitting around with my family. Hearing stories about my grandmother. Learning about my family history. This Christmas was no different. As much as I enjoyed listening and participating in conversation, we got on a topic that was disturbing; our track record in marriages. We went down the list of my aunts and uncles and everyone, but 1 or 2 were divorced. This included my parents. We went down the list of nieces and nephews. Same thing; divorced. This included my own failed marriage.

We joked that it’s “something about our family”, but really it was a little discouraging. I picked up on this family pattern at an early age and I vowed I would be the one who would stay married. Divorce would not be an option, yet here I am. Among the list of marriages that just didn’t work.

We can laugh at ourselves, but really, how do we fix this?

I truly believe in family traits, personalities, and habits being passed down from generation to generation. Some things can become a family curse. Abuse, alcoholism, etc. can linger in your family tree and you are exposed to it. Unconsciously, we pick up the things we see growing up and emulate whether we realize it or not. But we have the power to truly look at ourselves and choose to go our own path. There are so many family traits I’m proud of; our strong values in education, our work ethic, our financial savy, our giving spirit, and the list goes on. But as with every family, with the good, there is not so good. Our divorce rate is one of those things. So what di we do?

In my case, I am not going to let the past haunt me. Yes, I am divorced just like others in my family, but that doesn’t have to label me. No more believing in the “family curse”. Secondly, I’m taking a good long look at myself. So often we want to blame others and not take responsibility. What did I learn from my marriage? What could I have done better? How can I prevent this from happening again? Was I even ready to be a wife? Am I ready now?

These are the questions that I ask myself often. I will not let my family history, let alone my own, affect my future. I will be happily married someday and it will last. Family curse? What curse?

Love. Hope. Faith.

For the last few nights I’ve been waking up at 3 am. I never take these things lightly. When this happens I always feel like God is trying to speak to me. He wants my attention. But this time felt different, I woke up needing Him instead.

I asked Him questions I wanted answers to like:

“Why do I have this feeling of needing more?”
“Why is life so hard?”
“What am I looking for?”
“What is my purpose?”
“What?”
“When?”
“Where?”
“Why? Why? Why?”

The answer I received was in a voice that sounded like my own which said, “The hardest thing you have to do in this world is live in it”. It didn’t specifically answer all my questions, but it gave me what I needed to know.

No one promised us it would be easy. What seems easy for some, is harder for others. We all have different paths; some are cemented for smooth sailing, while some are rocky with potholes. The road we are given shapes us into what we need to be and pushes us into our purpose. So what we go through now may not make sense until later. But we still have to live. No matter how hard it is, we still have to push through. Through doubts, fears, and endless questions.

And that revelation was my answer.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Excuse me while I laugh out loud. Exs… boy they are funny. I love when they come back (because they always do), and say:

“Where did we go wrong?”,
“What happened to us?”
“Why did we break up?”

Then your life starts flashing before your eyes. As they talk or as you read that text, email, or inbox message, you remember the pain you endured throughout the relationship. You want to scream! Ummmmm excuse me, were we in the same relationship? Do you have amnesia? Do you even realize what you put me through?? But you have to remember:

A person with no future always returns to their past.

They are probably doing the same crap, in the same position, and mistreating others in the same type of way. Now they want to crawl back to you so they can do the same thing all over again. Or maybe they realized what a good person you were to them and it’s not so easy to replace you. Either way….

They can go kick rocks.
Don’t open that package.
Please return to sender.

Love. Hope. Faith.

Blame game. Blame game. Let’s play shall we?

Why are relationships between men and women (particularly the black man and woman) in the state they are in now?

It’s all the woman’s fault.
She is a golddigger. She makes too much money.
She’s a whore. She won’t give it up.
She settles. She’s too picky.
She wears weave. She’s too natural. She’s doesn’t care about herself. She’s too confident.

Nope, it’s the man’s fault.
He’s aggressive. He’s too passive.
He’s not goal oriented. He works too much.
He doesn’t show me enough attention. He’s thirsty.

How can we blame each other when we don’t even know what we want in each other?

All these contradictions, no wonder we’re all confused. It’s time we stop looking for others to blame and start looking within ourselves. What we need to do is talk to each other. And not just men addressing women on what they need to change (which I’ve noticed has become a trend), but men talking to other men. Women having discussions with other women. How can we build each other up to be better for ourselves and the opposite sex?

Enough with the blame game.

Love. Hope. Faith.